The World’s Most Pathetic Terrorist Fails

Published April 18, 2014
Updated May 22, 2018
Published April 18, 2014
Updated May 22, 2018

Terrorist Fails: Fort Dix Is Defended By Armed Guards, Federal Troops, And Alert Customer Service Reps

Fort Dix

This is a good idea that cannot possibly go wrong. We’re smart. Source: Wikimedia Commons

Let’s play pretend. So you’re planning a big terrorist atrocity, and your scary group of militants is in the mood to aim big. Since you’re already in New Jersey and plane fare is expensive, the six of you decide to hit an unsuspecting US military on its own turf at Fort Dix.

As any seasoned military strategist can tell you, Step One of any mass murder is to stage weapons drills until your men are sharp enough to overcome the inevitable armed response.

Most military strategists however, not being complete morons, would advise that you conduct this training in remote locations where you’re not likely to be observed shooting off rounds and praying for a successful jihad against the infidels.

Richard Stockton
Richard Stockton is a freelance science and technology writer from Sacramento, California.