Bad Excuses, Drunken Brawls, And Crocodile Tears: The Best Of Florida Man In 2018

Published December 23, 2018
Updated July 10, 2019
Published December 23, 2018
Updated July 10, 2019

From the criminal foiled by his own pants to the man who tried to barbecue child molesters, these are some of the most outlandish Florida man stories that you'll ever read.

While there’s no shortage of Florida-based antics that populate the news week in and week out, there’s no denying that the storied “Florida man,” in particular, has absolutely redefined what it means to represent the Sunshine State at its worst.

While Florida women have had their own share of outlandish activities in 2018 (including a few below), the weaker sex when it comes to normalcy in Florida this year has to be the men. Without further ado, we give you 2018’s most absurd and outrageous Florida man news stories.

Shirtless Florida Man Arrested For Going Door To Door Picking Fights

Christopher Norman Florida Man

Escambia County JailChristopher Norman’s mugshot.

Truthfully, the entirety of what this Florida man did could not fit into a headline, which perhaps makes him the quintessential Florida man. A drunk, shirtless, Pensacola resident went door-to-door in a neighborhood looking for a fight, punched a woman in the head, and stole pizza, only ending his rampage when he ran into a fence and passed out on top of it.

32-year-old Christopher Doyle Norman was arrested on Oct. 30, 2018, for multiple offenses including home invasion, battery, burglary, larceny, and criminal mischief. All of these charges came from a single drunken rampage that began when Norman kicked open the gate to a trailer park.

The Florida man then approached a woman who was sitting outside of her mobile home and punched her in the side of the head. Not quite finished with the mobile home yet, Norman damaged the home’s ladder and exterior door before continuing on.

When he arrived at the next neighbor’s house, he fell through the home’s open front door, which caused one of the residents to pick up a hammer and order Norman to leave. Norman eventually left the trailer park but not before yelling that he would “come back and burn the trailer down.”

Once he was done with the trailer park, Norman made his way to a nearby apartment complex, knocked on the doors and dared the residents to “fight him.” One resident understandably shut his door in Norman’s face and locked it. This prompted the 32-year-old to ram his shoulder into the door which consequently caused damage to the door and the frame.

Next, Norman let himself into an apartment whose door was unlocked and screamed at the two men inside to “fight him” as well. He chased the men around a table and threw a lamp at them when he couldn’t catch them – luckily, the lamp missed.

Most likely hungry from all of his running around, Norman grabbed a slice of pizza from the apartment and then chased one of the men into a bedroom. The other man tried to call 911 but Norman snatched the landline from his hand and hit him in the back of the head with it.

The men tried to escape by running outside but Norman followed and chased them around the apartment complex.

Norman’s drunken rampage finally came to a screeching halt when he ran into a chain fence, knocked it down, and then passed out on top of it.

Police arrived on the scene a short while later to find an unresponsive Norman, who appeared to be intoxicated. As they handcuffed Norman, he made vague threats against the officers.

Thankfully, the victims of Norman’s rampage sustained no major injuries. However, the woman he punched in the head told officers that she had a brain tumor and would need to undergo a thorough medical exam.

Florida Man Arrested For Attempting To “Barbecue” Child Molesters

Porto Sierra Mugshot

Osceola CountyJorge Porto-Sierra’s mugshot.

On a violent quest for justice, this Florida man planned to eradicate his hometown of child molesters via the gril.

Osceola County is known for being a sex offender haven, as it isn’t in the restricted range of schools, playgrounds, and churches, and there is a history of registered sex offenders living at the Friendly Village Inn & Motel in Kissimmee, Fla.

50-year-old Florida man Jorge Porto-Sierra subsequently took it upon himself to do something about those convicted sex offenders in his hometown — by setting them on fire.

An Osceola County detective said that Porto-Sierra freely admitted to his plan and he has now been charged with four counts of attempted premeditated murder.

According to the police report, a man was standing outside his room at the Village Inn when Porto-Sierra jumped out of his car and began screaming at the individual. Terrified, the man ran back into his room, prompting Porto-Sierra to break one of the motel’s windows and pour gasoline inside.

The enraged Porto-Sierra also reportedly yelled, “You’re going to die child molester! I’m coming in!” Meanwhile, the man and his roommate escaped through the back window.

In addition, Porto-Sierra allegedly attacked two other individuals inside a car in the motel parking lot, first by pouring gasoline into the car through an open window. When the driver attempted to flee, Porto-Sierra then got into his black Ford Focus and started ramming their car.

Deputies then arrived on the scene, where they say Porto-Sierra surrendered right away. Waiving his Miranda rights, Porto-Sierra confessed and told the authorities, “they raped kids, they are child molesters that all live here and deserve to die.”

WESH 2 News reported that at least two of the four victims are convicted sex offenders.

When the police asked why he didn’t follow through with the plan, Jorge Porto-Sierra responded, “because you got here too soon.”

Leah Silverman
Leah is the Assistant Editor for All That's Interesting. Her work has appeared in Town & Country, Women's Health, Esquire, and Publishers Weekly.