30 Quintessential Mark Twain Quotes On Philosophy, Life, And Politics

Published February 14, 2015
Updated May 4, 2018

Referred to as the “greatest American humorist of his age”, Mark Twain was both admired and derided for his biting take on all facets of life. From religion to politics to philosophy, we look at thirty perfect Mark Twain quotes that embody his rapier wit:

Hilarious Mark Twain Quote
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.

Clear Conscience
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

Mark Twain On Travel
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.

Sanity And Happiness
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

Perfect Mark Twain Quotes
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Mark Twain On Succeeding
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

Mark Twain Quotes Who Runs The World
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Mark Twain Quote
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Mark Twain Quotes On Heaven And Hell
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain Quotes Laughter
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

God Created War
God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Mark Twain Quotes Education
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Mark Twain Quotes
The lack of money is the root of all evil.

Mark Twain On Congress
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

Mark Twain Quote About Anger
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Mark Twain On Procastination
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

Telling The Truth
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

The World Owes You Nothing
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Never Argue With Stupid People
Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Lies
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Kindness Mark Twain
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Jobs
If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.

Bankers
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Congress
All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.

Do The Right Thing
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain Quotes On Adjectives
A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

Funny Mark Twain Quotes
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Idiots
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Laughter
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Giving Up Smoking
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Enjoy our collection of Mark Twain quotes? Then be sure to check out All That Is Interesting's posts on interesting quotes and inspirational quotes guaranteed to change your life! Finally, have a look at 40 Bruce Lee quotes that will touch your heart and soul, as well as some of the most hilarious insults from famous historical figures.

author
Alec
author
Alexander is a cofounder of All That's Interesting with an undergraduate degree from the University of Virginia in History and Economics and an MSc from the School of Oriental and African Studies in Economics. He specializes in American history, the Cold War, and true crime.
editor
John Kuroski
editor
John Kuroski is the editorial director of All That's Interesting. He graduated from New York University with a degree in history, earning a place in the Phi Alpha Theta honor society for history students. An editor at All That's Interesting since 2015, his areas of interest include modern history and true crime.
Cite This Article
Baldwin, Alexander. "30 Quintessential Mark Twain Quotes On Philosophy, Life, And Politics." AllThatsInteresting.com, February 14, 2015, https://allthatsinteresting.com/mark-twain-quotes. Accessed April 24, 2024.